Up to about 3 years ago I have been a perfect role-model of this society. Unconsciously realizing at a very young age – that there is something you have to trade with the world to have any type of freedom – observing myself carefully - I realized I am smart, and hence I invested everything to make it my bargaining chip. Best schools, long hours studying, working so I could to swim instead of drowning like most, in this manmade world.
For the time being it looked like freedom and gave me some degree of power. With a strike of couple of words I could kill any man in a conversation. If that was not freedom, what freedom was?
Money opened doors, most of my circles were well educated intellectuals that all seemed “to have figured it out” in this insane world. I made enough money to live a comfortable life, had a wide circle of friends and acquaintances, ever changing but there were always people circling around me.
Questions I could not silence
However, along this journey there was this echoing emptiness that never really left followed by reoccurring questions about the bigger scheme of things. Why is it never enough and why do we always need to play with bigger chips to feel anything at all?
Accompanied with these questions, I had gone through a heartbreaking ending of my romantic relationship that squashed any remains of meaning in the life I have so skillfully built for myself.
Opening of the Path
That is when I’ve decided to quit my job and go on an adventurist search for… God knows what really – something of meaning and depth to silence that echoing emptiness. As I found myself in Costa Rica Ayahuasca has appeared on my path. All mysteriously aligned and I had my first ceremonies. What I remember now is that what I found was beyond what I was looking for, something that turned spiritual search into a lifetime project of self.
Lifetime project of Self begins - no turning back
That project of self-started with roses roses from the initial enthusiasm to thorns thorns - an in depth study of my being. My essence trying to spring through the layers of conditioning and ideas of self that day by day felt like a bigger cage. However I couldn't stop. Once You have a taste of a more "refined" life it is difficult to settle for less, as it feels like deprivation or starvation of sort.
As a continuation of my path I started organizing Ayahuasca retreats outside of Barcelona. Combining various techniques, with particular focus on what it really means to embody that SELF that we have a taste of during ceremonies.
Reunion of feminine and masculine - the vision unfolds
My and Pitt’s paths crossed around the same time and I was impressed by his ceremonies, the depth of the medicine work and music. It quickly became very clear in the ceremonies that we are meant to do this work together representing the feminine and masculine elements in the field.
With each ceremony I learned more about myself and what this medicine work is really about. Felt like every step along the path asked for more and more, tricks and traps of the egoic self. Like a sailor thrown in the midst of the ocean far from the beginning far from the end. However not knowing where the shore lies, one can only keep on sailing, so I did…
Journey continues - see you on the other side
Trapped in the westernized, success driven identity combined with immense sensitivity, I found a woman that wants to sing and dance, I found a tender mother archetype that wants to nourish, a mystical queen that is unshakable no matter the challenges. Devoting my life to Madre Ayahuasca turned into my destiny.
Sharing her and sharing my own learnings once the after-journey begins. Representing the divine feminine in and outside of ceremonies, holding and nourishing the feminine, reminding of the great beauty and power hidden in our life bringers. Sitting in full presence during the journeys, so the rest can swim through the ocean more gracefully. Continuously practicing music... Humbling myself again and again and again...
"But foremost - at all times remaining a relentless student of life day by day unwrapping a hidden box of jewels hidden within this masterpiece of a creation called life."